[Bleach] -final battle-

[grassangel]

It's been so long since I posted fic~... Oh well... BTW if you've only recently friended me (as in in the last three months or so) I tend to post fic, and then flood the communities a couple of days after. Just giving you the heads up

Title: -final battle-

Series: Bleach
Character/Pairing: General (implied IchiRuki, IshiHime)
Rating: PG-13 (for the kiddies who don't like that kind of thing)
Genre: General, Action
Spoilers/Warnings: Descriptions of fictional violence, including death and grave injury
Wordcount: ~ 170
Author's Notes: M' lovely beta was shadowsinfire this time around.
This little drabble was actually born out of the need of a battle scene in one of my IshiHime fic entries. However, I didn't like the feel of it amongst the rest of the paragraphs; so it was cut out. It did stand well on its own though, so I kept it and fleshed it out and added shitloads of weird, abstract formatting.

If you are having trouble grasping meaning from this formatting, please try reading each middle dot as a comma or fullstop.

- there was blood everywhere · screams split the air as opposing forces clashed -

- captains and vice-captains cut swathes through the infested battleground · half-trained shinigami strays picked up from Rukongai struggled for their lives · those from the human world added their power · the strays and renegades scattered across the worlds taking part as they saw fit -

- bodies were piled everywhere · bursting into clouds of spirit particles as an attack blasted at them · the black soil of the battlefield gleamed red · blood soaking in from the wounded -

- the Hueco Mundo forces bit back with terrible force · animalistic cries shattered the air · cero seared across the sky · released forms crushed the inexperienced · superior smirks played along their lips -

- swords clashed · reiatsu slammed against reiatsu · sparks flew as enemies collided -

- Ishida and Inoue worked side by side like they had as ryoka · their school friends fighting with tooth and nail · even Karin could be spotted in minor fights · Ichigo and Rukia blazing brightly as they fought back to back · they were leading the battle to victory -

 

– it ended in a flash of light, a sword pointed at a pulsing vein, a roar of victory and a sense that it was at last over –

 

Comments

[bearlyhapnin.livejournal.com]

Nice. The odd formatting really works with this story. Makes it nice and choppy. ^_^ Normally I wouldn't think of choppy as a good thing, but it feels right for this one.

Makes me curious enough to want to read the parent fic... is it still in progress?

[grass-angel.livejournal.com]

Glad that the choppiness and formatting worked for you then.

The parent fic has been finished, but is currently being edited. However, since it was for Debbie-chan's IshiHime fic contest, it had to be published in time for the deadline, so the non-edited version is up here: http://grass-angel.livejournal.com/62048.html#cutid1

[bearlyhapnin.livejournal.com]

Ok. ^_^ I'll check it out!

[keiji-miashin.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, I'm glad I read your other fic before this one. If I'd seen this one first I would not have gone on to the other.

To me the choppyness didn't work. I found the lowercase, dashes, and centered dots (I don't even know what they're called) very distracting. I think the choppyness would have worked very well if you'd just kept within standard grammar forms and just had regular choppy paragraphs.

Aside from format though, it IS a good fic. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but there is certainly some poetic genius in the rough here. And you do show some talent at setting up scene and mood.

The fic feels rushed, understandably considering your reply to the previous commentor, and the choppyness bothersome. But the concept and idea are good. Maybe you can rewrite it later on and polish it up some more?

[grass-angel.livejournal.com]

The centred dots are called middle dots.

Thanks for telling me the formatting didn't work for you. Honestly, I don't think I like working with that kind of formatting, as it's terribly hard to work without normal punctuation.
I am a bit ambivalent towards the idea of rewriting, partly because I don't think add much more content to it and because editing breaks my brain into little pieces which are extremely hard to pick up. Rewriting it is an idea I might pick up on sometime, regardless of the brain-breakage.

[p-sky.livejournal.com]

Nice~ I like the format. Kinda reflects the chaos in a battle, where thoughts are not quite complete or detailed.